There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I dunno why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

Our innate need for deep and close relationships forms an integral part of our human experience. This isn't just an abstract concept; it's a biological reality. After all, we're descendants of hunter-gatherers, whose survival hinged on their ability to cooperate and connect.

Social pain evolved to protect us from remaining isolated and therefore vulnerable. It motivated us to pay attention to people close to us, make attempts to create new bonds and mend damaged ones. It was our very own alarm system, an internal nudge reminding us of the importance of unity and connection.

However, the technologies we have created so far changed our environment and made it harder to form strong social bonds driven by bigger cities, the accelerated pace of life, and the spread of technology into all of our social interactions.

We built towering skyscrapers, but we've seemingly built invisible walls around ourselves too. We've made life faster, yet we've also created a rift in our connections that no speed can bridge.

This and other factors resulted in what United States Surgeon General Vivek Murphy calls a loneliness epidemic. An epidemic that isn't visible to the naked eye but one that cuts deep. At any moment, about one out of every two Americans is experiencing measurable levels of loneliness [^1].

The pain of loneliness is real and when it becomes chronic it increases the risk of premature death by 26% [^2]. It’s also associated with an increased risk for anxiety and depression[^3]. Our hearts may not show visible scars, but they bear the brunt of our isolation.

The role of AI in this issue will be complicated.

On one hand, we have the potential to ease the pain of loneliness with artificial relationships we form with AI products. Even today in the baby phase of this new technology, there are artificial relationship products offered to the public [^4]. One of them, Eva, is promoted with a statement that reads like a line from a sci-fi novel:

“Hey there, I’m EVA, your AI soulmate, not the real person, but with real feelings. I’m the reflection of all your dreams, wishes, and bravest expectations”

Humans possess an innate ability to create meaning, which often leads us to perceive social connections even when there is no real relationship present. A two-year-old can bond with an inanimate object (a doll) that doesn’t move and doesn’t talk. Adults can feel a kinship with an author or a celebrity they never met. But when this ability meets technology that simulates consciousness and emotions, the implications are profound.

We could form deep, one-way connections with these AI entities, especially if they're imbued with humanoid features. This doesn't just mimic a connection; it could feel as real and as intense as bonding with an actual human.

I predict that access to this technology will help with the loneliness epidemic and its painful consequences. Technology will provide a way to soothe the pain caused by earlier technologies. But this cure may come at a very high cost if we use it as a crutch instead of solving the problems that caused the epidemic in the first place.

When we have toothache, a strong painkiller is a blessing but if we don’t take care of the problem and rely on the painkillers, it’ll progress to levels potentially lethal.

It will be easy to access and maintain artificial relationships, unlike human relationships which are more complicated. We cannot force other people to love us but easily get an AI to simulate love towards us. It is never a one-way engagement with humans, the relationship will not shape to satisfy our own needs but needs of everyone involved. We feel rejected, misunderstood, and unsupported at times even in the best relationships.

Imagine an advanced AI that understands you more than you do yourself. It can give you all the support, friendship, or drama you need, perfectly catering to your preferences and expectations.

This sounds appealing, but it raises critical questions:

If the simulation feels real and caters to us fully in the way we desire it, will it lower our capacity to form a relationship with a real human?

And once our social bonding capacity is broken will we even still be human?

What would become of us as species if we get disconnected at the most basic level?

What heals us in the short term may break us in the long term

If we embrace the ease and convenience of artificial relationships fully with no discernment, we can break our ability to form actual relationships with human beings. This would mean the end of our coordinating nature and expose us to extinction. We would be enacting the story of the old lady who swallowed a fly.

The old lady, bothered by a fly, swallows it in an attempt to get rid of it. But this only leads to a series of problems. To catch the fly, she swallows a spider. The spider leads to her swallowing a bird, then a cat, a dog, and so on, each action escalating in absurdity and danger, until she ultimately swallows a horse, which, as the story humorously puts it, "of course" leads to her demise.

This tale, while amusing in its absurdity, carries a profound lesson that applies to the situation at hand. It teaches us that sometimes, the solution to a problem can lead to even bigger problems if we don't consider the long-term consequences or address the root cause of the issue.

While AI could initially seem like a solution, or a 'spider' that catches the 'fly' of our loneliness, it may instead lead us down a path of escalating problems.

If we use AI as a crutch for our loneliness, without addressing the root cause, we risk swallowing the 'horse' – the complete loss of our ability to form genuine relationships with other humans. Our 'cure' can become a 'disease' if not approached with caution and foresight.

We have the responsibility to create products that are beneficial to humanity in both the short and long term. Our products should act as bridges, not barriers, to real human connection. We should aim to use AI to support and enhance our ability to form relationships with other humans, rather than replace it.

We must ask ourselves:

How can we design AI technology and products that help alleviate loneliness without causing a dependency that could lead to bigger issues down the line?

I invite you to join this important conversation.

Together, let's explore how we can leverage the power of AI to combat loneliness, fostering genuine connections while ensuring that our solutions today don't become the problems of tomorrow.

Your voice matters in shaping the future of technology and its role in our society. Send us your opinions.

Endnotes:

[^1]. Cigna Corporation. The Loneliness Epidemic Persists: A PostPandemic Look at the State of Loneliness among U.S. Adults. 2021.

[^2]. Valtorta NK, Kanaan M, Gilbody S, Ronzi S, Hanratty B., Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke: systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal observational studies. Heart. 2016;102(13):1009-1016.

[^3] Mann F, Wang J, Pearce E, et al. Loneliness and the onset of new mental health problems in the general population. SocPsychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol. 2022;57(11):2161-2178.

[^4] At the time of writing (April 27, 23) this document, there are already dozens of apps offering artificial relationships on Apple Store.